what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize