Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
