I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My bed smells like the plague
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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