Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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