I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
