Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
