new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
