so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
