You can't motorboat a personality
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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