I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
