I molested 6 butterflies tonight
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
