True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
