Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize