are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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