I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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