so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
