Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
