the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
