Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
