hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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