I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
