Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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