Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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