Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His hands were made for my vagina.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
