How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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