i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
