So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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