Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize