What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
