Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
