i don't like sucking hair
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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