he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
