Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
