bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
