Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
