fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
