He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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