I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
