My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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