Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize