I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
