i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
