bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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