Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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