Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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