i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
