The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
