I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Boobs are out for the taking
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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