Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
