I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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