just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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