My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you had me at cake vodka
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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