omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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