When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize