I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
