Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
