I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize