He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
