So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize