Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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