I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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