Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
