Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
