remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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