haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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