You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i love accidental penises.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
