All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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