a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
