After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
