I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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