yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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