where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
